Tuesday, October 14, 2008

E.T., Phone Home

Bookies suspend bets on alien landing

WORRIED bookmakers have stopped taking bets on aliens showing up on Earth.

It follows a flurry of bets amid internet buzz that a massive intergalactic spaceship will appear tomorrow.

Videos and messages on YouTube, blogs and UFO websites are buzzing with predictions that a vessel from the alien Federation Of Light will be visible in our skies for three days.

It may all sound more oddball than odds-on - but bookies William Hill are taking it seriously enough to temporarily suspend betting on proof of the existence of intelligent alien life being confirmed by PM Gordon Brown.


The rumour is believed to have been started by "channeler" Blossom Goodchild, who claimed to have received a psychic tip-off.

The stories have spread, along with a warning it would "cause panic among the masses".

One message claims: "They have carefully selected this time to show up and are doing it out of goodwill because of the great evils behind this world.

"It is time to become free from wars, pestilence, famine, poverty, sickness, disease, rich and poor and all the world sufferings."

Spokespersons for the Obama campaign confirm that Obama plans to declare war on the aliens.

"Obama is here to free us from wars, pestilence, famine, poverty, sickness, disease, rich and poor. Well, he's certainly going to free us from the burden of being rich!" Spokesperson Gwen Ifill stated.

MSNBC has gone to full 24 hour coverage of the alien crisis. Tune in this evening as Kieth Olbermann announces that the aliens are "THE WORST PERSONS IN THE UNIVERSE!" for daring to try and co-opt the message of Hope and Change brought to you only by Obama.

Remember, you can't spell Berkinow without B.O.


The Obama campaign has learned that the aliens have arrived without the required visas. They have made a hasty about-face on the issue, giving them promises of full citizenship and instant status as welfare recipients.

"When others say we can't welcome invaders to our planet I say 'Yes we can!'" Obama is quoted as saying.

Spokesperson for the aliens, Ron Paul, says that the offer is proof there is no intelligent life on this planet and they visit has been canceled.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program of after dinner music featuring Glen Miller and his band performing "Stardust".

This is Orson Wells signing off from Grover's Mill, New Jersey.

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